Leftover Juice Day

I’ve recently found myself with a leftover 2 days of a 3 day juice cleanse and I’ve been challenged to experience it for myself. It all seems a little bit absurd that drinking nothing but sugar water could have a positive impact on my health. I plan to record the experience here just for the record. As I sit here pondering the correct time to have my “1 to 2 cups of coffee” for the day, and thinking I will probably fall asleep somewhere around 3pm, I’m starting to think this isn’t such a good idea. When it comes to coffee the right time is always now.

Juice 1 – Green (edit: this juice is called Sweet Spin)

Just finished juice one. Sweet spin is basically a green fruit juice with rice milk for protein. The flavor was pretty good. Sweet from pineapple without being so sweet because of the greens. I started drinking it as soon as I started feeling a little hungry for lunch. By the end of it I still feel hungry but probably not any more so. I refilled the empty bottle with water and downed that also. I feel like I just drank 2 glasses of water back to back. Not sloshing around yet but definitely liquid.

Juice 2 – Spicy Lemonade

It’s actually pretty spicy. However, now I’m in a bad mood. I wanted this juice an hour ago but it was still a solid block of ice. I tried to drink it anyway only to find the juice was concentrated and all the water was in ice form. So it was a flaming hot & sour syrup devil’s potion. I quickly decided against drinking that. Maybe I’m just pissed at my printer and the fact I’ve been doing paperwork for 2 hours. Spicy lemonade in with-water form is actually pretty tasty. I may need to figure out how to make this on my own. The ingredients are Lemon, Maple Syrup, Cayenne Pepper, Water.

It seems that the time in between juices is growing shorter. Despite my early day juice rationing I may not survive the day. Juice 3 is close enough to thaw so I’m going for it.

Juice 3 – Dr Green – This one is literally named Green unlike Juice 1 which I was too lazy to look at the name

As I look at this bottle of semi solid juice, I cant help but think this is probably a giant marketing scheme. Maybe Jus by Julie is really just 6 fancy juices that no one wanted to buy in a store. Why would anyone buy a juice that says “Kale” as it’s first ingredient. Kale doesn’t make juice? This is like vegetable goop. First sip was a giant ice ball. Vegetable goop with giant ice balls in it. Not a good start. Back on topic, this juice cleanse concept is clearly just a way to convince people to buy 18 juices in one swoop. I can see the marketing team now. Sara say’s I’m fired if I don’t sell 6 cases of juice before the end of the quarter so I convinced everyone in my yoga class that we had a “cleanse.” Help me put these numbered stickers onto the bottles and I’ll take you out for beer and wings.

To which Sara’s reasonable friend responded, “do you think that’s even safe? People are going to just live off juices? ” Sara’s inevitable response would be “I googled it and the internet thinks 3 days is pretty safe. Less talking more stickers.” The juice cleanse was born.

That whole rant seems a little harsh, This green vegetable goop mixed with rice milk (rice goop?) actually probably has more healthy benefits than say 5 cookies. Which coincidentally is what I would like to be eating right now.

Juice 4 – Chia Berry – AKA Strawberry daiquiri

I begin to feel slightly optimistic as I realize there are roughtly 5 hours left of awake time today and still 3 juices. The juice rationing has worked! However, I still have 0 additional beers to drink which unfortunately has been the case all day. This fills me with dread. As I drink this virgin tropical drink I wonder why so many of these have lots of sugar. Aside from the obvious fruit ingredients, can there be a more sinister motive? Perhaps the people who buy juice diets typically lead extremely low sugar lives. If they choose to subsist mostly on grasses and plants, I can see how a diet with 100 grams of sugar per day would indeed make them feel invigorated.

Perhaps in a more positive light, the frontal lobe which controls higher brain functions runs almost exclusively on sugars. That’s why when you get hungry you have a harder time putting up with stupid coworkers and juice diets. Maybe it’s easier for people to suppress their desire for cookies and bailing on juices when their frontal lobes are saturated with sugar. How much effort did Julie put into designing these juices? Is #4 tropical drink flavored to help you survive the commute home and #3 is all fiber to get you through the mid afternoon slump? It’s hard to be sure, the juices don’t come with a schedule.

Juice 5 – Island Coconut

I guess the theme of this juice is that I’m pretty much over juice. Why would anyone want to do this for 3 days? I saw a family member eating cold, leftover turkey chunks out of a ziplock bag and couldn’t help but envy him. It’s been weeks since Thanksgiving so that is not fresh ziplock bag turkey.

I looked down at the back of my milky white, grainy juice and thought, “why is this all sugar. They should have put some fiber powder or something in here.” I feel like I’ve had 7 soft-drinks today and 14 Triscuits. There’s still one more drink to be had after this one. I suppose I’ll suck it down before bed. I keep looking ahead to the morning and wondering what would make this worth the hassle. I guess if my life was like a new beginning with baby soft skin and limitless energy. Rose petals falling from a sunny cloud floating over my head. As long as they cleaned themselves up. No one wants to be that guy who leaves a trail of rose petals.

As a side note I think this probably would make an excellent mixer or chaser. All natural coconut and cinnamon mixed with rum. Blended or on the rocks would probably be excellent. Can this stuff be purchased by the bottle?

Juice 6 – X-treme Greens

One last dose of Kale, Spinach and Hemp Seeds. It has a nice aroma very reminiscent of an orange grove. Earthy and fruity. The flavor is surprisingly neutral with a dominant orange juice flavor that quickly fades. Aside from that this seems like one of the healthier ones. It’s middle of the road on both Fiber and Sugars but has the most protein. Just a few ounces ago I thought juices would be the death of me but this one is surprisingly satisfying. A mix of endorphins as a result of the end of the era of juices, and lightly chilled green goo. It feels very full circle, from the green we are born and to the green we will return.

Final Thoughts

The concept of drinking juices for days just seems absurd to me. I didn’t feel especially hungry at any point in the day today but there were definitely times when I was sick of juice and very full of liquids. There were other times when I was struck by sudden urges to eat foods that I knew to be in the house but hadn’t seen in a long time. All of these seem like my body attempting to balance the nutrition I was receiving. If you’re into extreme diets, into punishing yourself with food or obsessed with juices this might be something you would want to try. It’s great way to have 5 of the same juices instead of food 3 days in a row to rid yourself of any or all of those desires. Alternatively, if you want a moderately health snack once in a while these might be a good option.

Some nutrition information below if you’re interested.

The first juice (Sweet Spin) seems like the best option for anyone looking for a juice / snack hybrid. 4 grams of fiber and 4 grams of protein make it the most balanced with only 18 grams of sugar in 16 ounces. 18 grams is actually the lowest sugar content of all the juices with Spicy Lemonade producing 18 grams of sugar and 0 fiber or protein.

Dr Green is the most substantial with 20 grams of sugar, 6 grams of fiber and 4 grams of protein.

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